I honestly don’t know where I am right now.

It feels like i’m losing a grip on who I am as a person, the core essence of myself. I’m turning into a hermit, neglecting people I can’t tolerate; being left quite lonely. I like a challenge; I like to be friends with people who enlighten me & are different, however, then I get picky; stagnant and I don’t want to do that anymore; I want to expand my company, be more approachable; friendly.

It feels like i’m just going about my days, wake up; go to work; go out blah blah blah blah. The same old shit. I don’t even know.
It feels like all my friends are out, living their lives. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to Maricel on the phone, but each day it is getting harder to keep in contact and the drifting is not what I’m used to, when I used to talk to this person everyday.

Phleh,
It feels like i’m just being a cheap copy of myself, making up for my lack of emotion by buying materialistic things, either for myself or others. It is easier this way, buying gifts for people instead of having to go through the effort of physically telling them I care.

I feel there are some things that people do and/or say that annoy the crap out of me but my need to please people stops me from saying, “YOU’RE ANNOYING THE FUCKIN SHIT WANK FUCK FACE CRAP OUTTA ME!”
You see, when I actually do want you as a friend I put up with absolutely anything and make incredible sacrifices without expecting anything in return. What I’m trying to say is, am I being a doormat?

I used to be happy, all the time. ALL THE TIME. But now, it’s just turned out, that it’s all a masquerade. An act to keep my friends, keep my job, keep my family; happy; because I worry that if I don’t

I will be unliked.